Dual....:-)
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
