We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Terrible idea I love it
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
