Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
