So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Randomize
