I am in a vortex of obligation.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We talked him into tasing himself.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
