There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
