I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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