god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
