your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
