if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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