So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
