Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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