i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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