Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
