I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm too high and old for this...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
