Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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