I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
