Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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