Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
