I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
