____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
