Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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