A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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