I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
