Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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