thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Fuck appropriateness.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
