mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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