The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
