If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
