So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
