WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
