I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
