if you like me you must not know who I am
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
