the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
