I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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