I just made out with a guy for $7.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
