He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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