My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
