i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
