At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
