every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
