I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
