ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
