I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
