i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
