Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
