I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize
