laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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