She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
