SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
